Wishing You All a Merry Christmas

I'm sure you all have heard about the piles of snow we had last week in South Western Ontario.
Many places had much more snow then we had.

I told the kids our birthday cake was out on our deck. Gary and I are both Christmas week babies.

Merry Christmas from our home to yours...


It's been almost six weeks since we updated our blog. There's a saying, "no news is good news"." 

Well, things have been going quite well. Other then routine appointments every 2 weeks and a snow day, Gary has been going to work almost everyday. He had his second week of chemo treatments the week of Nov. 29th-Dec.3rd. It has been one of the hardest weeks for him. It has left him more tired and with less energy then before. All of this is somewhat to be expected as this last treatment was his first full dose of the chemo medication. At this point Gary is just very thankful that he is able to continue going to work.is just so thankful that he is able to continue working.
On Dec. 14th Gary went for another MRI. The weather had been stormy on and off for the last week and meetings were canceled the night before. To make sure we got to the 5:30 a.m. appointment we got up at 3 a.m. (We were both surprisingly wide awake before 3) Gary blew out the lane way before we left. Thankfully the main roads were quite clear however very slippery. We made it there in good time.
We will not hear the results of the MRI until Dec. 29th when Gary will begin his third week of chemo. We hope and pray that the radiation and chemo have been effective and the results of the scan will be positive.

Gary and I are looking forward to getting away for a few days next week to celebrate our birthdays together.

We want to wish you all a Merry Christmas , thanking God for sending his Son, Jesus Christ into the world to be our Saviour.

Joanne

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

• "Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
    Morning by morning new mercies I see;
  All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
      "Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

© 1923. Ren. 1951 Hope Publishing Co., Carol Stream, IL 60188
www.hopepublishing.com

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/19#ixzz26OYs8B00

Your Mercies are New Every Morning

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, but we need to express our thankfulness every single day and not only to God but to those around us, not only for big things but the little things too!

For some months Gary and the boys were planning to re-shingle the back part of our house. So mid-October Brad Meinen and his crew graciously volunteered to help them out. Late Friday afternoon they came to set up and continued early the next morning. It was done at 12:30 p.m.


Thanks Brad Meinen, Dan Bergsma, John Timmermans and Norm Rolleman for helping Gary and the boys out and for coming out on your day off!





I was looking at some old emails the other day and one had a text reference at the bottom, Lam. 3:22. I forgot what it said until I came across it one morning while reading.
It says, "Your mercies are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness." Then not long after that I heard Frenando Ortega sing, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and I knew I had to share this song on our blog. (Gary and I are now calling it 'our' blog)

I have attached the song on another post.

Jess and I went for a walk to the back of our farm one frosty morning this week. The land looked so bare with all the crops harvested. It felt all too much like a winter morning.

God is faithful. He keeps everything in order like the sun, moon and stars. We experience summer and winter and spring time and harvest every year again. God never changes and is compassionate.

We are thankful for a great harvest of our crops. Also, Gary has had a good week while taking his first out of six monthly chemo treatments.




I hope this song, Great is Thy Faithfulness, is a blessing to you as it is to me. These words of the text/song come to mind often and I can only thank God for blessing us so much.

I pray that we will praise Him everyday no matter what his plans are for our lives.
Joanne

The End of Radiation

Christine and her Dad

The six weeks of radiation are over!!
We are all happy about that! Amazing how your family life adjusts to the routine of therapy and you go along life's path just as before.

Now Gary is back to working full days. The only inconvenience is that he is still not allowed to drive, but he is not lacking willing drivers.

Gary, David and Dixie taking a stroll to the back of the farm

He is feeling well. Eating and sleeping well. Now he is on a no-chemo 4 week vacation. The next doctor's appointment isn't until November 1st. The next MRI is booked for 3 weeks from now. This may not give us a true picture as it takes some time for the radiation and chemo to do their jobs and there may be some swelling present from the radiation.


The only side effect that shows is some hair loss which makes it look like his hair line has receded. His forehead looks sun burnt and a little dry but this has not been a major problem.


We are so thankful for how the treatments have gone. The Lord has been good to us and has wonderfully given Gary continued strength and good health to do what he always did.

We know that much prayer is still needed for continued healing, peace and for patience as we await the results of the radiation and chemotherapy.

Thanks again for all the support, love and care we have been given over these many weeks, but especially for your prayers.

A special thanks to all the drivers who so kindly took at least 3 hours of their time each day to take Gary to the hospital over the last 6 weeks.

The road ahead is unknown and uncertain but that is the same for any and all of us. We must continue to trust in God alone and leave our future in His loving and caring hands.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Joanne for all of us

Felicia (the Father's Day gift) is growing up fast, taking over the place and entertaining us all.

Prayers Being Answered

Hi Family and Friends,

Gary is now entering the middle of his fourth week of treatments. I know many, many people have been praying for him daily that he will tolerate the radiation and chemotherapy. Well, the Lord has graciously answered our prayers as Gary has been feeling so good that he returned to work this past Monday and has been working everyday. He has not been experiencing any of the expected side effects; he has very little nausea, lots of energy, good appetite and no hair loss.

We are doing a lot of driving, bringing him to work in the morning and picking him up at work whenever his treatment is booked and then returning him to work to finish off the day. David, our son, who works in London picks him up on the way home. With my flexibility and all the volunteer drivers to take him for treatments at least 3 times a week it is all working out very well and we are most grateful.

We know that God hears prayers and wants us to continue to depend on Him.
Please continue to pray that this good health continues, that the treatment is killing off the cancer cells and that he may continue to go to work.

All praise and thanks to God.
Joanne

Cancer is so Limited

Cancer is so Limited
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat peace away,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.
-author unknown

Visits with Doctors

Once again another week has gone by. I have now received two full weeks of treatment. We were at Victoria Hospital every day this week, and two days we met with three different doctors. On Monday we met with the Neurosurgeon Dr. Steven. That time, we had hoped that I could go off the anti-seizure drug,Dilantin, and that I would be able to drive again soon.

Today, however, we met with Dr. Macdonald and Dr. Fisher, the chemotherapy and radiation oncologists, and I found that a notice had been sent to the ministry and my license will be suspended for at least six months. This was somewhat disappointing news. However,I will be tapering off one of the other drugs, and this is good news, because it is the one that had caused the most side effects. As well, we have not yet heard from U.I. as to when and how much I will be receiving from them.

I am feeling very well and have so far not experienced any side effects from the radiation or chemo. I am thankful that I am remaining in good spirits and am able to trust that God is in control and He is trustworthy. I am very grateful for the help we have received, both in financing the cost of driving, as well as the people who have generously volunteered their time to drive me to London and back. We have also received many delicious meals (to the extent that I am worried about getting too fat).

The total time spent for a radiation treatment is about two and a half hours a day, with it being a one hour drive and the average time spent there being a half an hour. On the days that I meet with doctors Joanne drives me in because it will take longer (We set out at 8:30 today and returned at 3:30 P.M.) and she likes to be there for the consultations.

Thanks for the nice card Nigel, your prayers mean a lot to us!

We continue to receive cards and best wishes and the assurance of prayers as well and this is most appreciated.

Thoughts While Reading

While I was on vacation recently I had the opportunity to do some reading. (The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis, Heaven by Joni Earickson and some novels, and I didn’t finish them all.) It being a beautiful week, we also enjoyed the weather and the lakes.( Hiking, biking and swimming)




It was a enormous joy to see and spend time with my family, both my brothers and sisters and Joanne’s, also Mom and Dad Pennings. I have read Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven, and a good part of Joni Earickson’s book and this got me thinking. I am sure many of us have wondered whether we will recognize our loved ones in heaven. I do not know the answer to this question without a doubt, but I like to imagine that when we arrive there, we will have the joy of dear loved ones already there greeting us, as happened at Port Burwell Provincial Park, or, like at Pinery Provincial Park, to be there and repeatedly have the joy of finding that another of your children or brothers and sisters has arrived. (For the most beautiful description of this that I have ever seen, read The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis and Revelation 21 :1-7).





Those of you who have a relationship with Jesus as Saviour will be able to empathize with this. For those of you who read this blog and know nothing of this, I would ask you to think about what will happen at the end of your life. All of us will some day have to face our maker. Many people believe that to get into heaven all you have to do is die.

The Bible tells us, however, that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and that “the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23), and this not just physical death but separation from God for eternity in hell. Because all have sinned, unless God’s anger is appeased, our default destination is Hell, not Heaven. This is hard to understand for us because we tend to judge our actions and morality by society’s standards and the way others act. If there is a God who created everything, however, He has the right to set the standards and He has done so in His book, the Bible.

God in love has provided a way to escape this punishment, however. The same verse that tells us of the punishment ends with “but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”. 1John 4:10 says: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

A secular jailer in Phillipi who met the early apostles in the early days of the church was convicted of his sin and asked: “Sirs, what must I do to be saved? They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.”

Jesus Himself said "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” ( Mt 11:28). 2Peter 3 : 9 says: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

All who recognize that they deserve God’s punishment, turn from sin and follow God to the best of their ability and trust that Jesus took their punishment will be forgiven and one day share eternal joy in heaven.







I plead with all who read this blog to read the article found here. (you may have to copy and paste the link into your browser.)

http://www.epm.org/resources/2010/Mar/18/how-can-we-know-well-go-heaven

Once again, thank you all for your support and prayers.

Annual Vacation

Last week we were able to have our annual vacation, in spite of two medical appointments at the Victoria Hospital Cancer Clinic, one a planning session for radiation and the other for a MRI scan. The MRI was at 6:30 a.m. which meant getting up at 4:15 a.m. in order to get there on time; this was also the day we had to pack up and move from Port Burwell to the Pinery. We camped for a few days at Port Burwell Provincial Park with Joanne's family and at the Pinery Provincial Park with my family. As a family we have always had our vacation at provincial parks and I am thankful that I was well enough that our family could still get together for this annual tradition.

My radiation and chemotherapy was to start tomorrow, Friday Aug. 20th but that has been changed back to Monday, Aug. 23rd at 9 a.m. We appreciate your continued prayers.

Eating ice cream with the Pennings family in Port Burwell.

Spending time relaxing and reading.

Joanne and I went swimming almost every day before breakfast.

Ryan, Michael, David and I spent time climbing the dunes.

Enjoying the togetherness of a campfire with the Vandenbrinks. Emily Cressman, Michelle Schuit and Stephanie De Jong sang and played the guitar.

Of course no trip would be complete without repairing bicycles.

We saw some marvelous sunsets. And the weather was HOT!

Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary Bill and Evelyn Menkveld!

Tuesday was a Full Day

It has been a few days since Tuesday but that was the day that my brother-in-law, Rick Fintelman; my brother, Steve Vandenbrink and my nephew, Kevin Menkveld were over to finish up the barn foundation. It has taken a few more days to complete the finishing touches. Not a small job! Ryan, my son was also there to help between his milking jobs. Once again, we are very grateful to all who helped on this project and all the help received in many different ways.

That afternoon we spent over 4 hours at the cancer clinic. We were able to see both radiation and chemo doctors. Many of our questions were answered that day. There really wasn't any change made to the original diagnosis with the pathology report. It is an aggressive type of cancer which we hope and pray the therapy program will successfully treat. It will take the next week for the doctors to organize the start of the treatments. The first 6 wks will be intense as there will be 5 days a week of radiation and 7 days of chemo. Four weeks of rest will follow and then one week on and 3 weeks off for a total of 6 months.
We are hoping that I can tolerate the treatments well. I am not allowed to drive and may not be working much for some time. This will be a big change for our family and will take some adjustment. But God has been good to us in the past and I'm sure He will continue to stay close beside us through the days ahead.
We will not lose hope. Our God is all powerful and in total control. We will continue to trust Him no matter what the future holds.

We plan to take our family camping trip at the end of the week which we had booked since March. We will be camping at Port Burwell with the Pennings family one long weekend and at the Pinery with the Vandenbrinks the following long weekend. We're hoping the nice weather holds out.
Gary and Joanne

Another Week Gone By

Tanner Petterson and  his best bud, Ryan

Yes, another week is gone. The days have been filling up nicely. Gary is feeling quite well and has been keeping busy around the farm as well as helping his kids with their projects.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't forget to rest!! It seems like I'm more tired then he is!
I believe that keeping busy is helping to make the uncertainty and waiting time less on our minds.
Gary's staples were taken out on Tuesday. The wound has healed up nicely and his hair is growing back. This past Wednesday our friends Greg and Laurie Kenyon came to visit and on Thursday night our neighbours, Chuck and Diane Armstrong, took Gary and I out for dinner. Then Friday,Kimberley Petersen, our good friend from Brockville came for supper and spend some time with us. On Saturday we had lunch with Gary's mom which helped to break up her day.

To everyone, thanks for your continual words of encouragement, concern and prayer. God is faithful and He continues to give us strength and patience in this waiting period. Thanks too for the continued emails, phone calls, cards, visits, offers of help,blog comments, goodies and meals!!
Joanne

Grateful for Help Received

Making the foundation stronger...

Today I was able to do some work to our fold-up trailer. I painted the frame which was starting to rust.
Yesterday was a day in which a project that had been weighing heavily on my mind was done. One of the foundation walls of the barn the girls keep their horses in was starting to collapse and leaning in badly. Many thanks to Dan Hendrikson and Nathan Kleefman of Highbury Pools who came with a steel i-beam and an excavator and straightened the wall. Next week Tuesday my brother-in-law Rick Fintelman is coming and we will finish the project by putting in gravel and a drainage tile.

Project  complete!

We received news today of an appointment with two oncology doctors, one for radiation and one for chemo. Although we still do not have any further prognosis, it is good to have a time set for the appointment.

A Good Sunday

We will miss Dad greatly!

It was an emotional day on Saturday. Rather a lot of mixed emotions. It is always hard to let go of our earthly relationships even when we know dad had a long, good life. We do have many, many good memories of him. Pastor Ralph had a very Christ-centered message and shared many encouraging passages from scripture, not only for yesterday but for the uncertain days ahead. The condolences and promises for prayers for me and my family was so encouraging.
At this time we are still waiting to hear about the results of my surgery and the program for chemo and radiation. We know that all we can do is wait patiently and pray that God will give the doctors wisdom and help us to trust him with the future.
Today I was able to go to both church services. It was good to worship and fellowship together.

Joanne and I took a nice Sunday afternoon walk through our woods, a tradition we've had for as long as I can remember. We have lived here most of our married life---twenty-four years! The memories and the dreams are so many but now with God's help we'll have to take it one day at a time.

Sunday afternoon walks with the Family 

and often the animals too.

Life Continues...

I am sleeping fairly well at night and am able to get up in the morning.We were up early to get the trailer ready for a rental. I am thankful that Joanne is able to manage the rental of our trailer. I did some reading and had some tires repaired at the tire shop for my tractor and lawnmower. I am very thankful that Ryan was able to install the wheels so that I did not have to do it. It is never a good time for things to break down, but at a time like this, it is most frustrating. We went to town on a minor errand after supper and found out that the starter had broken down on one of the cars the boys were driving. I do think that I find it easier to get discouraged at this time. I find it difficult to know how much I can do.

Sad Day

This morning after a prolonged illness my father passed away. He was 89 and had been in very poor health for the past months. I was glad that my brother, Steve and sisters, Hennie and Evelyn could be with my mom these last few nights. We will have visitation at the Lockhart Funeral Home 109 Montreal st Mitchellt. on Friday evening July 23 from 7:00 to 9:00 pm where the funeral service will be held on Saturday at 11:00 a.m.

I am glad that my father is now over his suffering and in glory with his Lord and Saviour. He will be greatly missed.

One of many Vandenbrink gatherings

I have felt tired the last two days and am anxiously waiting to find out what the prognosis will be. It has taken some time to realize what is really happening. It seems strange to me that I may not be able to continue doing the things that I have always done like repairing things and keeping up place where we live. I have to trust that even if I am not able to do certain things, they will be done by others when needed. My children are very capable and I am very blessed to have them.

Quiet at Home

I am home today after having been discharged yesterday from the hospital, and I am glad to be home. I slept well but am experiencing a fair bit of swelling in my face. I am also getting some clicking in my head , which is apparently not too unusual for this type of an operation. I slept fairly well last night , and have a good nurse to do my medications and keep me company, and now I can catch up on some reading and some sleep. I even slept through a tremendous thunderstorm last night.

Home on Sunday

We're really thankful that Gary can be home again.
He is feeling tired but glad to be home. He also has more swelling today which was expected. I think you'll be seeing Gary with a hat on for the next little while. For now he does not dare take his armband off!
The kitten, he got for Father's Day from his animal-crazy daughters, is happy to see him too and quite content sleeping on his lap.

Gary loves cats!

Greetings from Gary

Yesterday we had a quiet day. Gary came out of the observation unit about noon and is now in a private room (#105 on 7th floor).
He told me he had quite a morning as he was to go for another CT scan but they left him out in the hall for quite some time because for some reason he no longer had a name band. No ID, no test. He said he was taken out of his room just as his breakfast was being brought in and he was starving!! Later he said to me, "I told you I needed my cell phone, I could have called for help."
His appetite remains very good.
It was Gary's idea to share this picture. He is getting up on his own and is not experiencing too much pain.
Joanne

Encouragement from Visiting with Dad

Dear family and friends,

Though the events of today have been hard in many ways we can take hope in the fact that my dad made it safely through surgery. I went in with my mom to see my dad and he recognized and greeted us both. My dad was in good humor and cracked several jokes while I was there. He was ravenously hungry and asking for food and water. I don't know how he did it, but later he even convinced a nurse to let him have a Tim Horton's coffee and a donut!

Together with my family, we want to express our deep gratitude for the continued flow of emails, phone calls, and prayers on our behalf. It is wonderful that we can be part of such a supportive Christian community.

Sincerely,

Mike Vandenbrink

Operation on Friday

Dear Family and Friends,

Diane Postma, who is with Joanne, just called to say Gary's operation ended at around 2 p.m. The surgeons took all they could of the tumor and say that Gary has an aggressive form of cancer and that the prognosis from here does not look good. Further treatments will be determined in 7-10 days.

This is clearly not the news that we, along with the Vandenbrink family, were praying and hoping for. We do know that our heavenly Father is the source of comfort and that He also controls all things. Let us continue to storm the throne room of our gracious God that He would yet have mercy on Gary, Joanne, and the children and grant Gary healing. Our all powerful God, the creator and designer of our bodies, the Great Physician, is able to heal even what man deems impossible. More importantly, pray that God would continue to pour grace into the lives of Gary, Joanne, and children as they continue to travel down this difficult road together (we along with them).

Psalm 46

1  God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
2  Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3  Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
4  There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5  God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6  The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
7  The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8  Come, behold the works of the LORD, Who has made desolations in the earth.
9  He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariot in the fire.
10  Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
11  The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Day Before Surgery

It is hard to believe that it's now already the day before the surgery.
A week disappears so quickly! (Sort of like our lives.)






My nieces Emily and Michelle Schuit are visiting this afternoon, as well as her fiance Jeff and my nephew Daniel.
Emily is getting married on Saturday!
Sorry, Em, but I do not think I will be able to attend.

Visits Continue

On Sunday morning I was too tired to go to the first church service, not being able to sleep all night doesn't help. I did make it to the second service and enjoyed being with our church family.
Thanks to everyone for your words of comfort and concern. There has been so much response and love expressed, It is overwhelming.
We visited my mom and dad Vandenbrink. My dad is not doing so well. He is 89 yrs. old and our family is taking care of them 24/7. Steve and Karen were also there.
Frank and Adriana (Joanne's brother) dropped in on Sun. night. We had a good visit too.
A friend(Heather DeWitt) vacationing in Nova Scotia also called to let us know they were thinking of us.

Monday
Sister Hennie and Rick dropped in and stayed for supper. They were impressed with Christine's wonderful cooking.

Tues.
I slept till almost noon as usual. I'm letting Joanne sleep through the night as I wander around on and off.
Mom and Dad Pennings came today at about 3:30 pm. It's a blessing that they are both very healthy and able to visit.
Joanne and Jim Schreuders came to share time with us as Joanne also went through an experience like this. They were also very helpful. Praying with family and friends is very meaningful.

Wed
I was up a little earlier today ( at 9:00, which is a lot earlier then lately, because lately I have not slept very well at night-but have a hard time getting up in the morning).
I had a nice visit from my sister Mary and had lunch with my good friend Greg Kenyon.
Joanne's brother Ron Pennings also dropped in this afternoon, as well as Darlene Evans from work. Mom & Dad Pennings visited yesterday as well.

As I have said before, all the care and concern and prayers are overwhelming, and I appreciate them very much.
Thank you all for you cares and concern for me and my family.
Gary

Visitors

This Saturday I had what the doctors said was a small seizure so I spent the afternoon at University Hosp. emergency. They put me on a new medication to prevent further seizures.

Rick and Diane Postma came to visit that night and Rick helped me set up this blog. We had a very nice visit.

Bikeride in St. Mary's

I took the opportunity to take a bike ride with David and Michael through the town of St. Marys. It was a lot of fun and I intend to continue to spend quality time with my family as much as I can.

Enjoying the view of  St.Marys off the Grand Trunk Trail Bridge

I Can Only Imagine

Sudden News

At my 25th wedding anniversary I spoke briefly about the things I would like to learn in the next 25 years. I spoke of the desire to trust God more specifically during the times when difficulty comes into our lives. I know that God often teaches this through experience and I should have had some idea of what was coming.


On May 19, I had a fall at work in which I broke my left arm and also had to have stitches in my forehead. These injuries by this time have healed quite nicely, but lately I have been waking up with headaches. My dear concerned wife who also has a background in medical training felt there must be a connection and was eager to have this checked out more carefully. This is how I found myself in London's University hospital on July 6 having a ct scan and some further assessments. One of the chief neurosurgeon residents told us afterward that the scan was not good news, in that it indicated a fairly large brain tumour located on the right frontal lobe of my head. The plan is for surgery on this Friday, July 16, followed by up to 5-6 weeks of rehabilitation and chemo & radiation treatments. Even though this is about the best hospital in Ontario for such a procedure (they are forecasting 99% success rate) it still is a thought that takes a person off balance. Wondering how my family would fare without me is difficult, I have no experience on which to base an operation such as this, and if I were to not make it through the operation The prospect of standing before my creator suddenly brings all kinds of things to mind. I know because of Jesus' saving work on the cross I should have no concerns and trust Him in all things, rejoicing at the prospect of meeting Him. It brought me to mind, again however of the lyrics of the song "I can only imagine " by the group mercy me
Here are the lyrics.

"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]


Another song with a similar but a little more positive perspective is sung by a group called Jars of Clay. I appreciate their music very much. All music played in our house is usually of a quite contemporary flavour (our youngest Jessica is now a teenager). Some (a lot) of the contemporary music is hardly worth listening to, but the Jars of Clay have some good messages.
this song is called "all my tears"

When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole.
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.

It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.

It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away

I had to hold on to the words of the hymn we sang in church choir lately called "In Christ alone."
The lines of this hymn stanza are a good reminder that I cannot expect any good or any start toward my spiritual well-being to come from me. I have to expect my faith, my hope and the beginning and the accomplishment of my salvation from God.

"No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand"

The song "I Can Only Imagine" can be listened to in the next post.
Thank all of you who left me emails of concern and promised prayer. It is hard to overstate how helpful this is. I will try to keep you updated as to what is happening.